


when the lights are out

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 19:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18834802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: michael wakes up in a panic.title: i'm not afraid of anything from songs from a new world





	when the lights are out

“Stop!”

Panic.  Michael needed to get out.  He was trapped.  He needed to get out.  He was going to die if he stayed. He needed out.  He needed to get away.  Away from‒

A hand touched his arm.

“Get off!” Michael screamed, an involuntary wave of power rippling off in defense as he scrambled to get to his feet so he could leave.

_”Guerin.”_

The strong, stern voice broke through the dazed state his mind was stuck inside.  His eyes eventually started to register his surroundings.  Mainly Alex who was giving him that Military Dad stare as he held onto the headboard.  An apology formed in Michael’s mind but never made it to his mouth.

“You’re at home.  You’re safe.  The doors are locked.  It’s just me and you.” Alex spoke the mantra firmly, his eyes luring Michael to sit on the bed.  He still stayed as far from Alex as he could.

Something in the pit of his stomach feared the man.  Feared what he was capable of, feared his family, feared the idea he might leave at any time.  The nights he woke from nightmares he couldn’t remember were when that fear of Alex Manes outshined the love.

Alex never showed that it hurt him.  Michael knew it did.

“What happened?” Alex asked, letting his stern face slowly shift into something a little less intimidating.  Michael didn’t have an answer.  Most of the time he didn’t.  He just had to go off of the way he was feeling.  If he was scared of Alex, it probably had something to do with Jesse Manes or Caulfield.  If he wasn’t, it could be anything else.  “Hey, where are you?”

Michael blinked hard, “Home.”

“So you have no idea what it was about?” Alex asked, leaning forward.  He still kept his hands to himself.  

“No.  Your dad, probably.” Michael said, clearing his throat.  Alex nodded.  Michael couldn’t read his face.  

“You know I’m here for you, right?  Nothing will change that, nothing would make me chose them over you.  You’re my family, not them.” Alex said, his voice soft and reassuring and helping Michael ease back into the bed they shared.

“But‒”

“Blood isn’t anything,” Alex said firmly, looking directly into Michael’s eyes in a way to plead with him to believe him.  “Can I touch you?”

Michael couldn’t say no, but he found it hard to say yes.  His body was still boiling with leftover emotion.  He loved Alex, loved touching Alex, and he  _especially_  loved being touched by Alex.  But right now it felt too much.

“Okay, it’s okay.” Alex assured him, “Hey, what’s five things you can see?”

Michael took a deep breath, “Bed, wall, window… book… you.”  Alex nodded with a smile.

“Four things you can feel?” Alex continued.  Michael relaxed a little more against the pillows as he took another heavy breath.

“Pillow.  Blanket.  Uh, uh, mattress.  Uh…” Alex placed his book in front of Michael.  He extended a hesitant hand to feel the smooth cover.  “Book.”

“Yeah, baby, what’s three things you can hear?” Alex said as Michael took deep, regulated breaths.  He let himself lay down.

“My breath. The air conditioner.  You.”

“Mhm, two things you can smell?”

“Sheets.  You.”

“One thing you can taste?”

Michael eventually let his eyes close, letting some more tension leaving his body as he fully let it sink in that he really was okay.  Alex wasn’t going to hurt him or leave him.  He was at home.  Whatever he couldn’t remember wasn’t coming for him.  That was the dream, this was the reality, not the other way around.

“That chicken you burnt for dinner but I ate anyway,” he answered.  Alex let out a soft laugh and the bed shifted.

“There he is.” Alex mused.  Michael took another deep breath before opening his eyes again.  He turned his head to look at Alex was lying on his side of the bed, staring right back at him.

Moving in with Alex had been one hell of an adjustment.  He never really had space to share before, not like this.  They had both spent the first week due to nerves about what would happen once they did.  Michael knew nightmares haunted his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop them from coming, even with Alex there.  He didn’t want Alex to see him like that.

The first time it’d happened, Alex had spoken the mantra with ease and given him comforting, grounding words in a sweet tone.  While it helped, it also pissed Michael off.  Alex’s tone could easily be taken as condescending.  Then when Alex tried to touch him and he freaked out, it only made it worse.  He slept the rest of the night on the couch, groveling in a pit of embarrassment.

It wasn’t until he’d seen Alex wake up in a similar fashion that he understood.  He’d scrambled to remember the words Alex had given him and had tried to mimic the way Alex had tried to touch him.  There was nothing worse than seeing Alex like that, seeing him vulnerable and scared.  Alex was the strongest man in the world, he didn’t deserve whatever his brain gave to him during his sleep.

Michael was thankful, though.  If they both had to be fucked up, at least they had someone who understood.  They didn’t get offended if things were said or done when their minds weren’t home.  Michael had thrown Alex more times than he’d liked to admit and Alex had pinned him down, hit him, fought him just as many.  Therapy had helped dial down the frequency of those moments significantly, but it still happened every once in a while.  Neither of them took it to heart.

It didn’t take long for them to learn just how to ground the other in their fits, how to avoid lashing out at themselves or each other.  They were family and they loved each other.  Even though the nightmares sucked and needing to be comforted like a child was embarrassing, they made him appreciate Alex a little bit more.

Alex hid them most of the time.  Michael hadn’t realized he hid it until he let it sink in that the amount of time he’d spend in the bathroom at 2 in the morning, the nights he didn’t sleep at all, and his uncanny ability at pretending to be okay were all giant red flags.  However, convincing a man to stop hiding when that’s all he knew was easier said than done.  All Michael could do was support him, love him, and let him know that he understood.  That, and make sure he knew therapy was nothing to be ashamed of.  It was the least he could do.  Especially when Alex did the same for him.

“You’d really choose me over your brothers?” Michael asked as he turned on his side.  He was drained, but things were made easier the more the forgot about what had just happened in favor of thinking about how much he loved Alex.

“I would.  You know I would.  They don’t give a shit about me, you do.  You’ve always been there.” Alex assured him.  Michael put his hand between them and Alex put his hand right beside his.  They linked their pinkies.  That was the amount of touch he could handle. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A few nights later, Alex woke up screaming.  Michael reached over to put his hand on his arm.

“You’re home.  You’re safe.  The door’s locked and it’s just you and me.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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